I don’t usually write about LOVE, simply because I don’t like to act emotional and well, there isn’t really much to complain about my current relationship, for now, at least.
Also, especially I do not have a lot of relationships in my life.
But don’t get me wrong, each of them are engraved in my bones, in my heart…
I am a person, who are very much into LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP, which basically means, even when the relationship is deteriorating, I am still lingering on.
My first love happened in my junior high school.
It was a SHE and we dated for almost four years.
I knew her when she was dating my best friend, but I don’t see any of the attractiveness in her, neither did I picture myself dating a girl.
I think until Form 3, which I realized I am still single with plenty of my friends already had a couple of dating experiences and I somehow feel the urgency of dating someone.
Maybe I was an asshole, but the fact is, they broke up because of me, simply because my best friend was not treating me good enough, which makes her thinks my best friend is not a good person, accordingly to what she say.
I think, the seed was planted at that time.
It took us 2 more years to develop to a flirting stage.
At that point, I really refuse the fact that I could be dating a girl, but flirting.. hey there’s no responsibility comes with it, so maybe I have sent a wrong signal.
Yet, when I notice it, it was too late.
Again, I am really really bad at refusing people, I know its hard to believe, but there I am.
One day when we crossed the road, she held my hand.
I wasn’t in love. But I don’t have the courage to pull my hands back.
So, that’s where we begun. Nothing romantic but was all from a misunderstanding.
After she announced to everyone, I knew there is no going back so I go with whatever the plot is.
I have done the best I could to avoid any intimate touch, trust me.
It took us I think half year to do the first kiss.. another year for a great leap of intimate interaction.
To be completely honest, I forgot how it was like to be with her.
When I re-read my diary, I found myself being very doubtful in the first year of our relationship, I always think we would have broken up.
But fate is really funny,
We somehow managed to date for 4 years. Broke up for several times, with less than a week though.
Several big incidents I could recall are,
First, she cheated.
Not only did she cheated, but she she kissed with a really good looking, wealthy girl from a renowned school, which I have everything reason to be jealous of.
We fought for a week, maybe.
And maybe my alcohol desire started right then, I drank, I got tipsy. I cried so hard that demand a hug from my dad, with a awkward rejection from him.
Second, a great liar and me being a stupid believer.
She said she was having a critical condition of her health.
Anyway that was the reason why we didn’t break up, she claimed she has a very serious heart condition. And I just didn’t want to be the murderer. URGH.
Third, I wasted, I mean, I spent my whole high school time with her.
every recess, every lunch, every afterschool,
we stick/ stuck together.
All my high school experience, she was the only experience.
Last but not the least, she has weird addiction. She bite me. Not the tiny bit of it, but bruise were over my body.
I guessed, that was maybe love means, or maybe that was what foreplay means.
But we didn’t really have sex, all she left was bruises, scars and pains to me as a memory.
I couldn’t tell any of my close friends. Maybe they all knew a bit of it, but not entirely.
It was embarrassed, awkward and shameful.
What funny is, when we broke up for a really long time, she still remains to be a very special person in my heart.
I remember when I broke up with my Ex, she is the one that I ran into.. Every drunk text went into her cell.
I remember when I have a car accident, even tho I broke up with my ex and started a new relationship, I texted her in the hospital. When I panicked the most, I also seek her comfort.
I honestly, forgot how it was like to be with her. But she is special, very special, and that is where I know the power of first love. And after all she is the person that I have dated for the longest time.
I will always, always remember the black shirt you wore and the dark skin you had….. I could still recall, you are the sporty girl that play excellently in the basketball court, and i would always wait you in the benches and hand you the water. When you finished, I could smell your sweat from your vast.. you were number 6 or 9? And you loved Leborn james that I had to get you everything when anything related to him.
We went to hiking, a difficult one, we do camping together, under difficult weather condition. There’s still a private album with you in it in my Facebook.
It was just supposed to be a tiny paragraph about you, but there are too many flash back and too many memories flushed in. And I secretly wished I will always, remain special in your heart too, as what you meant to me.